How to Spot a Cheater

Is there a sure fire indicator of whether a man will cheat? I don’t think so. I do think that there are a number of signs you can look for that, when found in combination, can warn you of a likely cheater.
I get a lot of emails from women asking how to tell if a man is a cheater. They generally feel like they have a knack for attraction them. There is nothing you can do to guarantee you won’t get a cheater. There is very little you can do to effect whether or not a man will be unfaithful once you have him. There is, however, a lot you can do to decrease your chances of ending up with a cheater. The signs are there; you just have to look for them. I know I repeat the theme of being honest with yourself; this is no exception. You have to be willing to accept the signs even when it isn’t what you’d like.
What do I think is the single best indicator of a potentially unfaithful man? The size of his ego. This blog isn’t about the details about what makes a man cheat. There are a lot of reasons for that. It is most often caused by insecurity based on emotional detachment or a lack of feeling appreciated. I feel like most all of the causes can be simplified down to some form of ego. Whether it is the shallow ego based on competition with one’s self or other men, or the deeper egotistical need to simply be wanted. Men need to have their egos fed. We need to feel powerful and virile. Men vary a great deal in just how much of this they need. I think it is highly likely that a man with a big shallow ego will be more prone to cheat. The deeper ego isn’t as good of an indicator or cheating tendencies. This is a good, because shallow ego is easier to spot.
So, what are you looking for? There an abundance of examples. The more that fit, the more likely you have a cheater on your hands. For instance, he may insist on expensive designer jeans rather than Levis. He may have a very flashy car. (This is especially true if the car is more expensive, faster, or flashier then others in his peer group or vocation.) A big shallow ego can show its self in an obsession with physical appearance, like looking at his reflection constantly. I think you get the idea. These are generally ways that a man tries to feel better about himself. He is trying to feed the shallow ego.
Of course there are exceptions to many of these. If you meet a very wealthy man, then it doesn’t mean much the he drives a Ferrari. There are completely faithful men that like $300 jeans. It’s not about one behavior, rather a pattern or set of behaviors. I had a friend that made a great deal of money. He had a big house, a boat, and an Italian sports car. He kept himself in shape, and was always sharp dressed and polished. He was a very likable guy with a quick wit and a fun sense of humor. Sounds like a catch, yes? How about if the house, boat, and car where more expensive that those of any of his friends of coworkers? (Add to that that the sports car has two seats and he has 3 kids.) How about if he obsessed about his physique so much that he constantly use steroids and other drugs to get results fast? How about if that quick wit was used to constantly try to build himself up and look better then everyone around him? He’s starting to sound a little suspect, isn’t he? Did you guess that my friend is a cheater? Well, you’d be right.
If you want my opinion, stay away from men with big shallow egos. Save yourself the trouble. It’s one thing to take pride in your appearance, and want to look your best. It’s another thing to think that the universe centers on you. If a man’s world is centered on himself, then it can’t be centered on you. Shallow ego is about “ME ME ME.” That mentality leaves little room for concern about the feelings of anyone other then “ME.”
AFTERTHOUGHT: I know that I am going to get an email or two from the devil’s advocates. They will say something to the tune of “I have been with a man that is very flashy and egotistical for blah blah years. He has never cheated on me blah blah blah. You could be passing up blah on a great man blah because he has a little blah blah bit of a big ego blah.” True! However, this is about odds. You may have the one huge ego that will never cheat on you. I’m sure there is one of those out there somewhere. (You could also be a blind fool that doesn’t see what’s really going on.) I say “why risk it?” Why take that chance or make an exception on something that’s a good indicator of a potential issue. A big issue! Just move on. A man doesn’t have the right to have his shortcomings overlooked by you.