I had a short conversation with a friend today about a man that she felt was her “soul mate.” She felt as if they were meant to be together. She said that she had never felt such a connection with a man. He had treated her so well and she truly loved him. Then…she mentioned that she had broken up with him some 7 years ago. He proceeded to tell her shortly after that he wasn’t interested in ever talking to her again due to something she had done to betray his trust. She had spend the last 7 years thinking of him often and even attempting to contact him, only to be shut down.
Don’t be like my friend. No one is worth this kind of self deprecation. Love blinds us. Sometimes it is a lingering blindness. If you find yourself at the end of a relationship, rub your eyes and try to see what is going on around you. If the relationship ended, especially abruptly, take the time to see that it’s really over. You need to be able to move on from lost loves. My friend has wasted untold effort on this relationship that is never going to happen. For my friend, it has made her unable to have a love relationship since then. She has bounced in and out of short relationships always self sabotaging them by making a comparison to this idealistic love that was over. I’m a bit of a romantic, but romance is not one sided. To love someone that doesn’t love you back is a terrible thing. Have the confidence to move on. It’s not an easy thing to do, but you deserve it and owe it to yourself.
You need to know that no man is perfect. No man is worth the torture that women often put themselves through at the end of a relationship. Don’t spend the time on them. If the relationship didn’t work out, then it OBVIOUSLY wasn’t the right relationship. True love doesn’t end in break up. It’s hard to let go of those feelings, especially If you felt that it was going to last. You may have done everything that you could to make it work and be the best woman you could. Even if you are perfect, the relationship still may end. Relationships are about the symbiosis of two people in balance. You only have 50% control on what happens in a relationship. If you give your half, and it fails, then he didn’t give his half. That means he either didn’t care about you enough to give his half, wasn’t ready or equipped to give his half, or wasn’t the other half need to complete your whole. It has nothing to do with the quality or value of your half. In any of these cases, you deserve better and should get back to keeping your eyes open for something better.
When the relationship ends, take a little time to rub your eyes. Take a little time to mourn, as this is a normal part of clearing out and resetting your thought process. Then, remember that you are valuable. You are ready and willing to do what it takes to make a relationship work. He was the one that missed out. Now you need to find the man that is your complimenting other half. This isn’t always easy, so don’t lose faith. It will happen if you focus on making yourself the best that you can, and stay positive when things don’t work out. Keep your head up and your eyes forward.
Always the future, never the past.
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1 comment:
I felt sad when I finished reading your post. Clearly, what had happened to your friend was something that I am also experiencing. The only difference is that we still have the chance to go out and that's where the madness started. Everytime he's near, I can't stop myself hoping that it will still be us in the end. I know that he's very much aware of what I wanted but he never ever give me that assurance that he'll come back. I know I need to stop this. I need to move on and give myself a chance to find a new love. I'm not sure if it's possible but prayers and a positive attitude gave me strength to never stop believing that I can find my happiness too.
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