You Can’t Make a Hoe a Housewife

I love this expression. I think I probably love it for a
slightly different meaning then it was originally intended, but it holds some
truth.

The point is that once you have cast yourself into a role,
it’s hard to change that role. I think the lesson that a lot of women can learn
is that once you cast yourself into a specific role in a man’s mind, odds are
you aren’t going to change that role. As in everything else, of course I feel
that you always have control of what role you step into. However, once you have
chosen that path, be prepared to stick to it.

I have a friend that recently came to me with a problem. At
one point she had been married but unhappy. During a “break” from her husband,
she met a man and slept with him. They continued to have a primarily sexual
relationship for some time, even after her and her husband were back together. A
couple of years later she was divorced and the “other man” was still around.
She had told him a few months prior to our conversation that she wasn’t
interested in being his booty call, that she needed a real relationship if she
was going to have sex with someone, and she stopped seeing him. A few days ago,
he called her and told her that he wanted to make a change. He said that he was
ready to be in a serious relationship and wanted her back. She was confused
because she had developed feelings for him during their affair (this is a whole
other blog that you will be seeing soon). She wanted to see the positive in him
and his potential future. If he was going to be something great and something
great for someone, she wanted it to be her.

I told her that she wasn’t going to be that person, if it
ever happened at all. (Words mean nothing without action. (Again, another blog
entirely.) She had already cast herself into the role she was going to play in
his mind. By being the woman that slept with him when she was married, she had
ruined the chance to be something legitimate to him. He had been treating her,
talking about her, and thinking about her in a certain way for 2 years. That
wasn’t going to just switch around. I told her it’s much more likely that he is
just trying to get back what he lost, not turn her into what she wanted to be.
If they did get together, and even if he treats her right, how could he trust
her? I told her, “Do you think that he isn’t ever going to worry about trusting
you knowing that you cheated on your ex with him? You’ve been cast as the
cheating wife booty call to this man.” That was her role to this specific man.
(And all of his friends no doubt.)

Pretty woman is a movie, not real life. That’s what makes it
a great movie. It’s fantastic and unrealistic. You only get one chance to cast
yourself in a role in your relationships. Be sure you are establishing yourself
in the part that you really want to play. If you let yourself be disrespected,
you have lost the right to demand respect. You chose what you will allow. This
goes back, AGAIN, to raising your value. Think about what you ultimately want
in the relationship and head in that direction. Start heading straight for the
place you ultimately want to be in the end. Starting off in any direction but
that will cause you to end up WAY off course, generally with no clue of which
way will take you back in the right direction. Don’t compromise. You’re an
Oscar winner. Don’t take toothpaste commercials. Hold out for the roles that
you deserve.