Assinging Appropriate Values to the Stresses in Your Life

I've decided to come back after a long time away thanks to a fantastic letter from a new reader.

Usually, I talk on topics that are specific to relationships. I'm inspired by recent events to talk more generally about the stresses and troubles that life brings. (Relationship challenges certainly apply.)

It's inevitable in everyone life that issues capable of causing stress and anxiety will arise from time to time. Most of the richness and satisfaction in life comes from how we handle these tribulations. You have an ability that seems almost super hero sounding. Your mind controls your world. Seems unfathomable, but it's true. Many people allow their situations to control their thoughts and attitudes. This is your world controlling your mind. Myself, and many people like me, have learned to use our minds to control our worlds. The world around you and your experiences in it are all filtered into perceptions by your mind. You have control over how your mind feeds you this information and how it shows you the world.

There are many real examples of this ability, or lack of it, around you. Look at the people that have everything in their lives, but seem miserable. There are countless examples of wealthy people with seeming amazing lives that become depressed and fall into pits of despair. By contrast I've met people that seem to have nothing and no reason to be positive, yet somehow they are. It's because they have made the decision to focus on the positive things in life and to not dwell on their troubles.

I know of a radio personality that likes to use the phrase "How important is it in the light of eternity?" He uses the phrase to cause his listeners to stop and consider if they might be assigning to much importance and weight to the problem they are facing.

Here's a specific. Let's say that you get a speeding ticket for going a shade to fast. (I've had a few of these.) The fine comes in the mail and it's $350! Let's assume you don't have much money now and it's going to be a strain to pay that $350. So, you can face this one of two ways. You can let your situation control you and worry about where that money is going to come from. You can lose sleep and have significant anxiety over how you will make this work, if at all.
The alternative is for you to control the situation. Decide that you aren't going to worry about the money. You can set your mind to dealing with the issue without loss of sleep. Yes, it's going to be tough, but you know that you will find a way to make it work. You'll make a few provisions to squeeze the money, maybe work with the court, and a year from now your finances will be no worse off than if the ticket never existed. In fact, in a year, you might not be able to recall what you had to sacrifice to produce that $350. After all, in the light of eternity what's $350??
For many people, this is a hard reality to process. They say "maybe that's easy for you, but I'm not built that way." Well, why aren't you? Would you like to change that? Then, make the effort and make the chance. Here's the FACT that you need to dwell on in your efforts to make the change to controlling your world. Go back to the two ways of dealing with the speeding ticket. In which example is the amount of the fine the highest? In which example will the court be more lenient? It's the same, isn't it? The worry doesn't make the amount of the fine go down, does it? How about which example will require the most personal sacrifice to pay the fine? THICK QUESTION! The first example with the negative perceptions will require the most sacrifice. Not only will it require the same financial sacrifices as the positive perception example, but will require the additional sacrifice of the stress and anxiety that comes with it.

Nothing is as bad as you can make it in your own mind. Everything will work it's self out with or without your anxiety and stress. The stress you cause yourself is more and more being medically proven to be far worse for your life then the trials themselves. A light hearted musician once sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy." It seems a silly and absurd song, but he was definitely onto a very real truth. So stop worrying and be happy. Next thing you know, you'll be a super human that controls everything around them with a simple thought.

C. Christian