If he seems to be losing interest, it's probably just you.

After I wrote it, I realized that it's a little harsh. It seems a little tough love is what people need sometimes. We get stuck in a box, and can't seem to get perspective. It's the old "you can't see the forest for the trees" conundrum.

It's like a ship on the sea. You set out on a new relationship voyage, from the old familiar home port, headed with certainty into the sunset. You know where you are starting from, and where you see yourself going. The problem is the fog. Every relationship voyage is bound to be stricken with a fog bank or two. The challenge is to keep your barrings and stay on course. Like sea traveling, if you don't stop and assess your direction of travel you will find yourself just a shade off course. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that a small change of direction sets you more and more off course as you sail along. Soon you are in the Arctic instead of the Caribbean, and you can't figure out where all the damn penguins came from.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about her relationship that was "falling apart." She had been seeing a man that she worked with. She had found herself really starting to have feelings for him and starting to imagine a future with him. They had been spending a lot of time together and she felt the relationship was progressing nicely. A two weeks before her and I spoke, she had changed jobs and was no longer working with him. About the same time, he stopped calling her. She couldn't figure out why. She was beside herself.

After a short conversation she started to realize a few things. For one, he never really called her that much. They spoke often, but it was because they worked together. She also realized that the most of the time they did anything together was when everyone from work went out. It was often, so it seemed they were spending a lot of time together. She knew they had spent alone time together, but after some careful thought, she realized it was always at her request. Either that, or when he would call and sweet talk her into coming over for some romantic time. Yeah, I mean a booty call. She hadn't see it that way before.

She had started hanging out with him because she saw some potential. One small compromise led to another. Soon she found herself in a relationship totally unacceptable by her own standards, and she couldn't see it. Not only could she not see it, she was upset that it seemed to be over.

Men will stay in a relationship that is convenient and offers some redeeming value even when they know that it isn't really what they want. If a man can get a woman to offer up sex with no "strings" and no effort, he will take it. He will do this even if he has absolutely no further interest in the woman he is getting it from.

As women, you have to watch out for yourself in this arena. You have to take the time to stop and evaluate where you are and the direction you are heading. How do you do this?
1. Listen to your close friends.
Your CLOSE friends. The ones that truly care about your well being, and will be honest with you even when you don't like it. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I tried to tell her" stories. Your friends are on the outside looking in. They have a less bias view then you do.
2. Make a list of what you really want in your ideal relationship then compare it to your current relationship
Don't think about the one you are in now. Think about your ideal relationship. How would he talk to you, treat you, and make you feel? Take a little time to do this and WRITE IT DOWN. Take this seriously and actually do it. Be honest with yourself. If you wrote "really listens to me, and respects what I think," ask yourself if he REALLY listens and respects you. Take a few minutes and reflect on how he makes you feel when you talk to him. Close your eyes, and imagine a few conversations.
3. Make a Ben Franklin list
It's a tried and true way to subjectively assess something. Take a couple of days to do this. Draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper. On one side, write the things that are positive in your relationship. One the other, write the things that fall short. You may be really surprised by what you find.
4. Write me.
Let me hear your story. I will always tell you how it really is. (Seebelow)

Respect yourself. You are valuable. Don't settle for less then what you are worth. You wouldn't sell your car for a buck. So, why would you cheap sell yourself? Some expectations shouldn't be compromised on. Regularly assess where you are and where you are headed. Stay on track. If the man you are with is making it impossible to stay on track, he's not the right man. If you stay with him and let him drag you off course from where you really want to be, then you have NO ONE to blame but yourself. (That's where the "it's probably just you" comes in.)
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