How Do Deal With a Breakup: Moving on

Breaking up is hard when you thought it was going to last. Whether you got dropped, or were forced to do the dropping, it sucks. Often, people will pine over the relationship longer then reasonable. We try to figure out what happened, try to fix it, or try to convince yourself there could still be a chance. So, what can you do to make it quicker, easier, and less painful?
*Start by purging your emotions. Trying to fight the need to morn drags things out. You don’t have to play the tough role. You can do it in private if you are worried about people seeing you. Listen to some sappy music, or rent Ghost. (Most overrated movie ever, but great when you are sad about moving on.) Let it all out. It’s like empting the bad feelings out of the tank so you can refill it with the good stuff.
*Spend some time with loved ones and friends. It’s good to get around people that you have positive relationships with. Often a relationship takes time from your friends and family. Get caught up with the other people in your life. Go out with your friends. You might remind yourself that there are a few things that are good about being single.
*Make a positive change. Join a gym, change your look a little, or take up a new activity. A fresh distraction is a great idea. It will give you something to occupy your mind and a new thing to focus on. Make it something that will make you feel better about yourself. A bad break up can be a lot easier if you lose those 10 pounds, quit smoking, learn a new language, etc. It’s a good reminder that you can do great things on your own.
*Create a little space with your ex. You need to limit your interaction with your ex as much as possible; especially for the first couple months. Avoid the temptation to call or text when you are feeling lonely. Similar to someone quitting smoking, your system will go through withdrawals. You become emotionally accustomed to the other person. Don’t set yourself back by sneaking a taste. It takes a certain amount of willpower. If you have a hard time with this, get help. Have a support group of friends. That way, if you feel tempted, you can call and say “Help! I’m thinking about calling. Distract me!”
*Get back to being you. You are not defined by your relationships. You are an individual first and part of a couple second. Very often when you are in a relationship for any real period of time, you change slightly. Take this time to remind you of who you are. Be sure that the relationship didn’t change you in a negative manor. Take inventory of what you learned and grow from it. Get planted firmly back onto your own two feet, then…
*Get back in the saddle. My grandfather was a cattle rancher. One of the toughest things to do as a rancher is breaking a horse. It’s a process where you exert your will over the horse until it submits to you and will allow you to ride it. Many times it’s a matter of getting back on the horse one time more then he will throw you off. Then, the horse has lost the battle of wills and must submit to being the slave to the master. Relationships can be the same way. Getting to the relationship that you truly want is sometimes a matter of getting back in the game more times than it can throw you off. Every failed relationship is a toss off the horses back into the mud. If you refuse to give up, get off your ass, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle you WILL win. There will be a time when you get back on the horse, and it simply won’t throw you off. Then there will be nothing left to do but to ride off into the sunset.

C. Christian
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