Getting Bored or Gettin Comfortable?

There are a few traps that all new relationships must avoid. Any one of them could potentially bring about the end of the relationship. One that is a tough mental challenge is the transition from the “best behavior” stage to the “getting comfortable” stage.

The “best behavior” stage is the beginning of a new relationship. It starts from the first meeting, and can last as little as a few weeks to more then a year. It usually depends on the amount of time the new couple is spending together. Of course, it also varies based on the individuals. This stage is characterized by the wide eyes, compliments, intense focus of attention on each other will together, gifts, surprises, lack of arguing, and general peace and harmony. The two are still acting in a formal manor during this stage. They watch what they say a little more, are more likely to brush aside small things that may bother them normally, pay extra close attention when the other is speaking, are careful to be mindful of their appearance at all times, and suppress any unfavorable habits.

The “getting comfortable” stage is when the two slowly transition to acting the way they do around their closest friends and when they are alone. It usually comes as the two spend more and more time together. They start to share every day tasks like shopping, cleaning, etc. They start to include each other in the things that they were previously doing separately. The two start to get more lax in watching their behavior. They start to “be themselves.”

Moving from one stage to the other can be difficult sometimes. It’s inevitable that one or both feel that the other person is slacking, losing interest, or that something is wrong. Women seem to feel this way more then men, because they are more sensitive to frequency and quality of direct interaction. This is where one of the primary differences between men and women shows itself. Men feel close by doing things together. Watching TV together is quality time. Women feel close by conversation and direct interaction.

As a woman, you need to understand that often this is not a problem or a sign of something bad happening. If a relationship is going to last, both you and him need to realize that it isn’t realistic to be on your best behavior all the time. When you are spending 5-10 hours a week together, even a 5 year old can behave that much. When you are spending 25+ hours a week together some personal time will become together time.

Do the best you can to keep things in perspective. Of course, there is a limit to this. If you feel you’ve done everything you can to try to be open minded and patient, and he still seems disinterested, write me.

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